NOBLE ROT - REEL THREE

REEL THREE

INT. JOHNNY'S HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

Johnny enters the hotel. He looks exhausted, crumpled, and discouraged.

The HOTEL CLERK hollers after him as he walks by the reception desk.

CLERK
Mr. Glorioso, there's an envelope here for you.

Johnny takes envelope from Clerk. He opens it, taking out
a typed piece of paper and a plane ticket. He reads paper.

JOHNNY
(to Clerk)
How far is Maine from here?

CLERK
Pretty far.

JOHNNY
(discouraged)
Great.

He turns and walks toward elevator.

INT. COTTAGE - MAINE - NIGHT

The cottage is modestly furnished. Christine is seated on
the couch, leafing through a Town and Country magazine.
A single lamp lights up the room. Suddenly, the door bursts
open. Christine jumps to her feet, frightened. Johnny,
disheveled and angry looking, stands in the doorway.

JOHNNY
Where's my wine?

Christine is speechless, pointing at the wine case sitting against
the wall. Johnny walks over and gets it, then lays it on the table,
opening it and checking to see that the bottles are still there.

CHRISTINE
I'm really sorry, I didn't mean
to take it. It was an accident.

JOHNNY
Yeah, sure.

As he sees that the bottles have not
been broken, he relaxes somewhat.

CHRISTINE
How did you find out where I was?

JOHNNY
(coldly, not looking at her)
It doesn't matter.

CHRISTINE
I felt terrible when I discovered I had it. I really did.

JOHNNY
Bullshit time is over. I know what
you're up to. I know who you are.

CHRISTINE
You do?

JOHNNY
(sneering)
The New York State Grape Growers Association.
(picks up the case and turns to leave)
I may be from California, but I wasn't born yesterday.

CHRISTINE
Where are you going?

JOHNNY
(walking out door)
Back to New York. I've had enough of Maine.

Christine looks out door as he starts
to walk down path to his waiting cab.

CHRISTINE
There aren't any flights tonight.
Not till tomorrow morning.

JOHNNY
(turning)
Are you sure?

She turns and gets her purse from the table and
walks out the doorway, motioning for Johnny to go in.

EXT. COTTAGE IN MAINE - NIGHT

CHRISTINE
You go on in, I'll pay your cab.

JOHNNY
Thanks a lot. Big deal.

Johnny enters house as Christine walks down the path
to the cab. The cab is a '78 blue Chevrolet station wagon,
"RON'S TAXI" on the side. The ELDERLY DRIVER looks
a little angry, as though he expected Johnny to come
right out. She leans in through the open window.

CHRISTINE
Hi, Ron.

CAB DRIVER
Hi, Christy. About how much longer is he
gonna be? I want to get home before too long.

CHRISTINE
He's not leaving for awhile, Ron. What do I owe you?

CAB DRIVER
Well, for him it would be twenty, but for you ... give me seven.

Christine gives him money.

CHRISTINE
Here's ten. If anyone is snooping, asking
questions and that? Don't say anything, okay?

CAB DRIVER
(winking)
Don't worry about it. I been there, myself ...

The cab drives down the narrow road
as Christine walks back to the cottage.

The small, charming cottage overlooks the sea.
WAVES can be heard breaking on the rocks below.

INT. COTTAGE - NIGHT

Johnny is sitting at the kitchen table. Christine enters.

JOHNNY
I can't believe it! What a surprise!

CHRISTINE
What?

JOHNNY
You coming into a room -- it's something I thought I'd never see.

CHRISTINE
Honestly now, how did you find me?

JOHNNY
You asking me to be honest? That's a
good one. Who writes your material?

CHRISTINE
Come on, how did you find out?

JOHNNY
(taking piece of paper out of travel envelope)
The directions were left for me at
my hotel. I thought you sent it.

Christine takes paper from Johnny, examining it.

JOHNNY
At least they paid for the plane ticket.
(holding up envelope)
You New York growers must have money
to burn. What do they want from me?

CHRISTINE
This doesn't have anything to do with wine, Johnny. It's much
more serious than that. I'm sorry you had to get involved.

JOHNNY
(offended)
Let me get this straight.
Are you saying wine isn't serious?

CHRISTINE
I'm talking about life and death.

JOHNNY
Why is it people always mention those two subjects together?
It seems to me they're about as far apart as you can get.

CHRISTINE
You don't want to talk about this, do you?

JOHNNY
Only if it's the truth. There is
no diamond necklace, is there?

CHRISTINE
(caught)
No.

JOHNNY
(after waiting for her to say more)
So that's it? There's no necklace?
That's the whole explanation?

CHRISTINE
(collecting her thoughts)
Among other things, Steven Gates is a diamond merchant.
A month ago he purchased ten million dollars worth of
raw, uncut diamonds in Antwerp. They were being flown
to New York in a cargo plane. There was a freak storm and
the plane crashed about a hundred miles south of here.
The pilot lived, but the diamonds were lost. Or so everyone
thought. Some fishermen who recovered them recently
contacted Steven. That's why I'm here now -- to pay
off the fisherman and pick up the diamonds.

JOHNNY
And who are the people who tried to
run me off the road? More fishermen?

CHRISTINE
We're not sure who they are, only
that they want the diamonds, too.

JOHNNY
And they think I have something to do with this?

CHRISTINE
Exactly.

JOHNNY
Holy shit.

Johnny looks worried, staring blankly,
contemplating the seriousness of the situation.

CHRISTINE
(after a few moments)
Would you want to go for a walk along the beach?

JOHNNY
Not necessarily.

EXT. BEACH - NIGHT

A strong WIND BLOWS across the rocky beach. HUGE WAVES
POUND into the rocks, putting a damp mist into the cold night air.

Johnny and Christine walk along the beach. Johnny is
hunched over, hands in pockets, obviously freezing in
spite of the heavy scarf wrapped around his neck.
Christine wears a light opened collared jacket. She
breathes the clean air, obviously happy to be there.

CHRISTINE
This is one of the most beautiful places on earth, don't you think?

JOHNNY
Yeah, too bad it's so cold.

CHRISTINE
I come home a couple of times a year to lick my
wounds, grateful I don't depend on one of these
struggling fishermen around here for my existence.

JOHNNY
What really hurt the fish industry was when it became okay
to eat meat on Fridays. It hurt us white wine people, too.

CHRISTINE
In the spring, icebergs flow down from
the North, and whales sing to you at night.

JOHNNY
I'm sure glad it's summer. This place
must be like Antarctica in the wintertime.

CHRISTINE
In winter the pipes burst when it freezes and
the plumbing backs up. And it's five miles to
the nearest store and they won't give credit
because unemployment has reached 40%.

Johnny cups his ears with his hands, trading
back and forth between cold ears for cold hands.

JOHNNY
It's tough everywhere. Maybe we ought to start heading back.

They start walking back towards house, Johnny
trying to quicken the pace. Christine looks up
at her house on the top of the cliff, stopping.

CHRISTINE
It looks great from here, doesn't it?

Johnny is forced to stop and look at house.

JOHNNY
Yeah, it's beautiful.

He starts walking again. She stays looking at it.
He stops a few feet down, waiting for her.

CHRISTINE
My father built it.

JOHNNY
Great. He did a great job.

Johnny starts walking again, hoping she'll follow. She starts to
follow, but walking very slowly, casually reminiscing, enjoying
herself. Johnny keeps trying to speed her up, to quicken
the pace, more than anxious to get into the warm house.

CHRISTINE
He wasn't meant to be a fisherman. He was sweet and
gentle, rather like you. One day he just disappeared. My
mother was attractive enough to catch herself a rich tourist.
He took us to Boston and gave us everything. Everything
that money could buy. But he was cold and indifferent.
Mom never got over my father. She became very bitter.

JOHNNY
(two feet in front of her)
No wonder why you're so screwed up.

SFX: MUSIC, VERY SQUARE.
PERHAPS BARRY MANILOW.

MUSIC begins over:

LONG SHOT - JOHNNY AND CHRISTINE

walking on beach towards home, Johnny in the lead.

INT. COTTAGE - NIGHT

It's about a half hour later. Christine is sitting
in front of the fireplace, wearing a bathrobe.

CHRISTINE
(to Johnny in other room)
There's a robe behind the door.

Johnny comes out wearing leopardskin robe.

JOHNNY
Who gave you this robe, Keith Richards?

CHRISTINE
Who?

JOHNNY
Keith Richards. Of the Rolling Stones.

She doesn't answer.

JOHNNY
You've heard of the Rolling Stones, haven't you?

CHRISTINE
Yes, of course, the music group?

JOHNNY
Nobody can call you square.

CHRISTINE
That's what you think of me, isn't it? That I'm square.

JOHNNY
Not at all. I was just kidding.
(walking to record player)
You don't mind if I take this record off, do you?

CHRISTINE
You don't like it, do you?

JOHNNY
It's not that I don't like it. I hate it.

He takes off record.

CHRISTINE
Put on whatever you want to hear.

JOHNNY
All I want to hear is an explanation.
What's going to happen here?

CHRISTINE
I wish I knew. But I'll make sure of one thing,
Steven Gates will leave you alone from now on.
When you get back to New York, find a different
hotel. After your competition, go back to California.

JOHNNY
Boy, you are upset, aren't you?

CHRISTINE
Hell yes, I'm upset. You really could
get hurt -- and it would be my fault.

Johnny steps beside her. They look at each other.

JOHNNY
Do you really care that much?

CHRISTINE
You've been nothing but kind to me.

JOHNNY
I guess that means "yes".

Johnny reaches for her, she moves away from him.

JOHNNY
Come on. Get off it. You know you love it.

CHRISTINE
Things are complicated enough already.

JOHNNY
Didn't you ever hear that commercial that says,
"You only go around once in life, and you've got to
reach for all you can. Even in the beer you drink"?

CHRISTINE
Sit down, Johnny. I think we need to talk.

JOHNNY
I think we should open another bottle of wine.

Johnny picks up his wine case, opening it.

CHRISTINE
Are you sure? You only have three left.

JOHNNY
Don't worry about it.

Johnny starts opening another bottle of his wine,
staring at her as he pulls open the cork, just like before.

CHRISTINE
Stop looking at me like that.

JOHNNY
How do you expect me to look at you when you look like that.

She smiles.

CHRISTINE
I like you. I like you a lot. It frightens me.

Johnny pulls out cork.

JOHNNY
I feel the same way, and it frightens me too.
But it's a good kind of fear. Let's take this
wine into the bedroom. What do you say?

CHRISTINE
I don't know if I want this to happen.

Christine makes a move towards the kitchen.
Johnny grabs her wrist, pulling her around, kissing
her. She enjoys it, no doubt about it. She then smiles,
showing him she now knows she wanted it to happen.

JOHNNY
Do you have any idea how lovely you look right now?

CHRISTINE
Yes.

Christine makes a motion with her head towards
the bedroom. They walk toward bedroom.

INT. BEDROOM OF COTTAGE - DAY

Johnny is sitting up in bed, arms folded behind head, enjoying
the morning sunshine. Christine shouts from the kitchen.

CHRISTINE
Your hot chocolate is ready.
Do you want me to bring it in there?

JOHNNY
Yeah, that would be great.

SFX: CHRISTINE'S FOOTSTEPS
COMING TOWARDS BEDROOM.

JOHNNY
It's a great day, isn't it?

Christine enters, handing the hot chocolate to Johnny.
She is dressed, looks like she's been up for a few hours.

CHRISTINE
Yes, it is.
(looking at clock)
You'd better get moving.
We have to leave pretty soon.

JOHNNY
I thought you said it only takes half an hour
to get to the airport. We've got a lot of time.

CHRISTINE
I'm going to have to take you a little
early. I've got a lot to do today.

JOHNNY
If the contest isn't over too late maybe I could get back up here
tonight. What time is the last flight, anyway? Do you know?

CHRISTINE
It doesn't matter. I won't be here.
(pause)
It won't work, Johnny. We just got
carried away last night, that's all.

JOHNNY
Want to meet me in the city?

CHRISTINE
I don't think you understand. It won't work. We have
different values, we need different things from life.

JOHNNY
You mean money, don't you?

CHRISTINE
That's part of it.

JOHNNY
After the vineyard gets going,
I'm going to be pretty well off.

CHRISTINE
I've been well off and I've been rich,
and believe me, rich is better.

JOHNNY
Why not take a chance for once? What are you afraid of?
Why can't you just admit it to yourself that you're capable
of falling in love and being vulnerable? So you've been
hurt a few times. Big deal. Who hasn't? And this
whole money thing with you. It will drive you nuts.

CHRISTINE
Don't give me that "all-you-need-is-love" crap.
This is the 1980's -- all you need is money. Listen,
I'll make it plain and simple. I got myself into some
trouble. I used you to get myself out, and I ended
up getting you in trouble. So, I've tried to make the
experience a little more pleasant for you. Okay?

JOHNNY
What's with you? I could tell you enjoyed it as much as I
did. Maybe more. You weren't doing anybody any favors.

CHRISTINE
You're right -- but do you know why I went to bed with you
last night? It was because you were here. Ever hear the
saying, about "climbing the mountain because it was there"?
Well, it was the same with you. You were there, that's all!

JOHNNY
So what? What's wrong with that? Hey, you're not
that tough. Beneath that cold, beautiful exterior is a
condescending person as vulnerable as any of us.

CHRISTINE
You're a sweet guy, Johnny. I wish you were right.
But you don't understand. I didn't learn from my
mother's mistakes. When I was 18, I met a rich
man and ran off to New York with him. He was old
enough to be my grandfather. Then I met another
rich man, and then another, and the rest is history.

JOHNNY
So you fucked 'em all, huh?

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

Christine is driving her red MG convertible down the
highway to airport. Johnny sits in passenger seat.
Both are very serious, looking straight ahead.

INT. AIRPORT - DAY

Kasten, Borker and Henrietta are in the small airport. It's
obvious from the way they look that they've been there all night.

KASTEN
(to Henrietta)
We can't give up now. We're in the stretch. All
we've got to do is wait. He's got to show up here.

EXT. AIRPORT - DAY

Christine's car SCREECHES to a halt in front of airport.

JOHNNY
When you're ready to stop lying to
yourself, give me a call in California.

CHRISTINE
Goodbye, Johnny.

Johnny gets out and closes car door.

A well-dressed old man is being helped
out of car on other side of street.

JOHNNY
(pointing at old man)
Hey, look at that guy. He looks like your type.

Christine hits the gas, taking off before Johnny has a
chance to reach for his wine case in the back seat ...

JOHNNY
(shouting)
Stop! My wine!

She doesn't hear him as she speeds away from the terminal.

Johnny, panicking, looks around for a cab.

Kasten, Henrietta and Borker can be seen watching him
from inside the terminal. Johnny spots a cab parked on
the far side of the terminal and goes bolting towards it.

Kasten and Borker come running out of the terminal after him.
Johnny, way in the lead, jumps in the cab and takes off after
Christine, not even noticing them. Henrietta joins Kasten and Borker
in front of the terminal as they frantically look around for a cab.

EXT. MAINE COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

Christine's car winds along the narrow coastal road.
Johnny's taxi is following half a mile or so behind.
Following even further back is a second taxi
with Kasten, Borker, and Henrietta inside.

EXT. FISHING VILLAGE - DAY

Christine drives through a coastal village. Tiny houses are built close
to oceanside docks. Christine's car turns in at one of the docks.

EXT. DOCK - DAY

A larger Mother Ship is docked beside a fishery. Christine
parks next to a factory, gets out of her car and walks past the
Mother Ship, hurrying down the dock towards one of the piers.
She reaches the end of the pier where she is greeted by two
PORTUGUESE FISHERMEN. They escort her onto their boat.

EXT. DOCK - DAY

Johnny's taxi pulls up beside Christine's car. Johnny gets out
of the taxi and retrieves his wine case from Christine's back
car seat. He puts the wine case in the back seat of the taxi.

JOHNNY
(to taxi driver)
Wait here. Don't leave without me.

Johnny walks down the dock past the Mother Ship. He
steps on the gangplank to get a better overview of the docks.

He sees a taxi pull in next to his and watches as Kasten,
Borker, and Henrietta get out. Henrietta spots him. Eagle-
eyed, she points to Johnny on the gangplank. Johnny
panics and runs up the gangplank onto the Mother Ship.

The ship's hull is an enormous tank of fresh-frozen fish. A
crew works on the lower deck, sorting fish onto conveyor belts.
Johnny walks casually past workers and then bolts up a ladder
leading to the upper deck. He looks down and sees Kasten and
Borker boarding the ship's gangplank. Johnny climbs faster.

Borker pursues Johnny up to the ladder. Kasten
climbs the midship stairs to the upper deck.

EXT. UPPER DECK - DAY

Johnny leaps off the ladder onto the deck. The docks are far below.
The OCEAN ROARS on the ship's opposite side. Johnny sees
Kasten reach the upper deck via the midship stairs ahead of him.

Johnny turns back to the ladder but Borker appears
at the top of it. He considers jumping to the dock
or into the ocean but both escapes are foolhardy.

Kasten smiles victoriously as he and Borker approach Johnny
from opposite sides. Then, Johnny leaps to tackle Borker, who
is nearest. They struggle furiously on the floor of the deck.

KASTEN
Back off, Mr. Glorioso.

Kasten points a gun. Breathing hard, Johnny stops
fighting with Borker and both men get up on their feet.

KASTEN
We've wasted enough time.
Where are the diamonds?

JOHNNY
What diamonds?

INT. FISHING BOAT - DAY

Christine is seated at the table in the boat's cabin with one of the
Portuguese brothers. The two brothers speak to each other in Portuguese.

One of them unlocks a cabin closet and pulls out a steel strongbox
from beneath a stack of clothes. He gives Christine the strongbox.
She removes a small canvas bag from it. The bag is a shipping
parcel with "GATES TRADING, LTD" printed in large letters
across it. The word "Insured" is stamped in smaller letters.

EXT. MOTHER SHIP, UPPER DECK - DAY

Kasten, still pointing the gun at Johnny, directs him to
walk out on a plank that is laid over the hold opening.

Johnny looks down into the hold. A full story below, the
hold is filled with tons of fresh-frozen fish and chunks of ice.

KASTEN
You turn into fish sticks if you fall into there, Mr. Glorioso.

JOHNNY
(terrified)
What do you want from me? What'd I ever do to you?

KASTEN
One last chance, where are the diamonds?

JOHNNY
Believe me, I wish I knew. I'd give them to you. I'm a vintner.

KASTEN
A what?

JOHNNY
A vintner. I make wine.

KASTEN
Get moving.

Johnny walks further out onto the plank, almost losing his balance.

BORKER
Where's the girl?

JOHNNY
I don't know where she is. All I know is I've got to be at a wine
judging in New York this afternoon. You can check it out.

KASTEN
Enough talk, Glorioso. We want the diamonds.
If you want to die for them, that's your problem.

Kasten bends over and tries to lift the plank with one hand,
trying to hold the gun on Johnny at the same time. Johnny
runs towards him, grabbing him by the back of his jacket
collar, pulling him forward. Kasten screams as he falls into
the hold. Johnny swings his leg, Karate style, chopping
Borker in the neck, sending him into the hold as well.

Then he takes off, running towards the dock.

EXT. DOCK - DAY

Christine's car speeds out of the dock area.

EXT. HOLD - DAY

Henrietta and people working on board the ship
are looking down into the hold where Borker and
Kasten are struggling to stay on top of the sea of fish.

EXT. DOCK - DAY

Johnny runs down the dock, getting in the cab.

INT. CAB - DAY

JOHNNY
(out of breath; to cab driver)
Airport.

Cab takes off.

EXT. TENNIS COURT, GATES ESTATE - DAY

Gates and Tisdale are playing tennis on a court located
behind Gates's home. Both are dressed in tennis whites.
Gates is wearing a headband. The two gentlemen
are both adequate players and seem to be evenly
matched despite Gates' fifteen year age advantage.

Alfred walks out from the house to the court.

ALFRED
Mr. Gates, Christine Walsh is on the phone.

Both men immediately start walking towards the house.

GATES
Alex, you really had me working to stay with you
on that rally. Your playing is getting better.

TISDALE
Well, Steve, for your sake I hope my
playing is getting better, because if
it's not, it means yours is getting worse.

GATES
Maybe we're both getting worse,
Alex. I'm just getting worse faster.

INT. LIBRARY-OFFICE, GATES HOUSE - DAY

Gates and Tisdale enter the large, lush office. Gates
walks over to the large antique desk and turns on the
telephone speaker box. He sits in the large leather
chair behind the desk. Tisdale sits opposite him.

GATES
(talking in the direction of the speaker box)
Christine?

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
Greetings from Maine. Do you want
me to bring you back some lobsters?

Both men smile at one another, knowing from
the tone of her voice that everything is okay.

GATES
We were counting on you to bring us something back.
It sounds as though everything went okay up there for you.

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
Everything went just fine.

TISDALE
We expected your call an hour ago. We were starting to worry.

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
What?

GATES
(to Tisdale)
You have to talk louder.

TISDALE
(louder)
We expected your call an hour ago.
Steven and I were starting to worry.

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
I bet. You were probably worried I
was on my way to South America.

GATES
I know you'd never do that, Christine.
Not without Alex, anyway.

Alex laughs.

GATES
We've been playing tennis all morning. I'm not
letting him out of my sight until you're back here.

We hear Christine's laughter.

TISDALE
I brought Steven's settlement check out here for him
to sign. He suggested I stay home for some tennis.

GATES
(loud)
But I regret it now.

Christine laughs again.

TISDALE
Christine, I've got appointments in the city this
afternoon to cash Steven's check. I'm going to meet
you and Steven at the dock. His ship sails at nine.

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
Okay, honey, I'll see you at nine, then.

GATES
Christine, hold on a minute. I want to check
about your flight. I checked this morning, but just
to be sure, let me give him another call. Hold on.

Gates puts Christine on "hold" and dials number. PHONE RINGS.

FEMALE
(v.o. - also on speaker)
Hanson Aviation.

GATES
May I speak with Nils, please. This is Steven Gates.

SFX: PHONE CLICKING SOUNDS.

NILS
(v.o.)
Hello, Mr. Gates.

GATES
Nils, I'm just double-checking about
my charter to Maine this afternoon.

NILS
(v.o.)
Everything's fine, Mr. Gates. The weather
is clear. We don't foresee any problems.
We'll pick up Miss Walsh at three o'clock.

GATES
(hanging up)
Thanks, Nils.

Gates presses Christine's "hold" button.

GATES
Everything's all set, Christine.
They'll be there at three.

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
Thanks, Steven. I'll bring you a souvenir.

GATES
(smiling at Alex)
You better.

CHRISTINE
(v.o.)
Can I say goodbye to Alex?

GATES
Say "goodbye", Alex.

ALEX
Goodbye, honey. Have a nice flight home.
Be careful you don't lose any of your luggage.

Both men laugh over Alex's "joke". Gates hangs up.

GATES
It sure is going smoothly. Should we call ourselves geniuses yet?

ALEX
Let's wait a few more hours. I want to holler "goodbye
genius" to you, when you're sailing away from the dock.

GATES
That reminds me, I've got some last minute things to do.

ALEX
(joking)
You're not going to forget to pay your
utilities bills before you leave, I hope.

GATES
If I do, I'm sure Christine and you will mail them to me.

Tisdale gets up and both men shake hands.

TISDALE
Steven, I'll see you at the pier at nine. I'll be the
guy with the ten million dollars in my briefcase.

GATES
And I'll be the guy with the ten million dollars'
worth of diamonds -- and your girlfriend.

They laugh.

TISDALE
(leaving)
It's about time I get her back.

As soon as Tisdale leaves, Gates picks up receiver and dials phone.

GATES
Nils, please.
(pause)
Nils, there's been a little change of plans here and
we won't be needing that charter. It's pretty late
notice, so just send the regular bill, that will be fine.
(pause)
That's okay. You're welcome.

He hangs up the phone and he starts opening his desk drawers,
taking papers out and throwing them in the fireplace.

INT. LARGE EXHIBITION HALL - DAY

The large convention room is filled with booths
and displays for an international wine competition.
Space is allotted to the different wine companies
according to their importance and variety of product
offered in competition. The atmosphere is refined, and
the flags on the booth and small talk overheard tell us
that there are representatives from wineries the world over.

Johnny Glorioso is the only person entering wine
who is not wearing a tuxedo, except for the Hasidic
Jews standing behind the Mogen David booth, some
Christian Brothers monks, and some foreign wine people
who chose to wear ethnic attire -- such as the Rodytis
people, who are wearing classic white Greek shirts.

Johnny is standing in a far corner of the hall behind a card table
with two bottles of Glorioso wine sitting on top of it. There is a
piece of paper which reads "Glorioso Vineyards, Sonoma County,
California" written in Magic Marker, taped to the table.

The Mogen David booth seems gigantic next to Glorioso's
modest display, but it is small when compared to some
of the other, more elaborate, booths. The Blue Nun booth
has six beautiful girls dressed in Blue Nun costumes.
They are pouring glasses of wine for anyone who cares to
partake. The Thunderbird booth has a gigantic winged
Thunderbird sign hanging above it. The black representatives
in the booth are dressed in fancy tuxedoes, wearing pink
cummerbunds with "Thunderbird" spelled out in silver sequins.

Aldo Cella can be seen walking through the room, people
constantly greeting him, "Aldo!" "Ciao, Aldo!" He waves
back, smiling at everyone. Other wine celebrities are also
in the crowd, including Franco Bolla and Orson Welles.

Three very distinguised judges (two American, one French)
are going from booth to booth, tasting wines from various
companies. Each is accompanied by an assistant who
holds a notebook, writing down the various comments the
judges make. A small crowd follows the judges, straining to
hear their comments as they taste the various wines. A man
dressed in lederhosen accompanies the judges. He wears a
chain around his neck that has a large corkscrew at the end.
It is his function to officially open each bottle to be tested.

INT. MOGEN DAVID BOOTH - DAY

Aldo Cella passes by the Glorioso and Mogen David
booths. A few wine stains can be seen on his white suit.

The six Hasidic Jews in the Mogen
David booth recognize him and wave.

HASIDICS
Aldo! Aldo! Hello, Aldo.

Aldo waves back, enjoying his celebrity status.
Johnny ignores him and he passes, sneering a bit.

HASIDIC #1
(to Johnny)
That's Aldo Cella. Don't you recognize
him? Everybody knows him.

JOHNNY
Yeah, I know who he is.
I hear he's not even Italian.

HASIDIC #2
No, he's Italian. Cella, it's an Italian name.

JOHNNY
He changed it to "Cella". It used to be
Cellapapolis -- something like that. He's Greek.

The judges approach the Mogen David booth.

HASIDIC #1
Well, I guess this is it. Wish us luck.

JOHNNY
Gazidazunt.

The judges stand in front of the Mogen David
booth. Judge #1's assistant reads from his pad.

ASSISTANT
Mogen David Wine.
Category: Sweet.

The judges seem a bit hesitant as they take the glasses from
their assistants, waiting for the man in lederhosen to open
the wine. Realizing the bottle of Mogen David doesn't have
a cork, he unscrews the top from the bottle and pours
the wine for the judges. He then holds the top out to the
judges -- inviting them to smell it. The judges all decline.

HASIDIC #1
Well, we still haven't put in corks.
I hope you won't hold it against us.

JUDGE #1
No, no , we don't judge corks, only wine.

Hasidics exchange smiles, thinking this year they have a chance.
First the judges hold up their glasses to look at the wine's color.
Then they twirl it in their glasses and smell it. Finally, they taste
it. All three judges wince as they take extremely small sips of the
wine. They spit the wine into a small bucket, as they do for each
tasting, but they seem to spit sooner with this particular wine.
The Hasidics sense the judges don't care for the wine.

HASIDIC #1
Still too sweet for your palates?

JUDGE #2
It tastes like candy canes.

HASIDIC #2
We make it less sweet than we used to.

JUDGE #2
Do you put Coca Cola syrup in this?
It has an aftertaste like Coca Cola.

JUDGE #3 (FRENCHMAN)
I think Coca Cola is aged more.

HASIDIC #3
You don't like it, do you?

JUDGE #1
It's admirable that you keep trying.

HASIDIC #1
It's because we dont' use corks, isn't it?

JUDGE #2
(to French Judge)
It definitely has a lingering aftertaste, I'll say that about it.

JUDGE #1
(moving on to next booth)
Better luck next year.

Judges and crowd move on to the Glorioso table.
Johnny smiles, trying to be friendly, as they approach.

JOHNNY
I apologize for how I'm dressed, but my tuxedo is still
in my hotel room. I was suddenly called out of town.

The judges ignore his apology, remaining rather snobby and
business-like. The assistant to Judge #1 reads out loud from his pad.

ASSISTANT
Glorioso Vineyards.
Sonoma County, California.

JOHNNY
Oh, I almost forgot.

Johnny reaches below table and picks up the wine
case. He puts it on the table, opening it and taking
out the T-shirts. He holds one up to his chest.

JOHNNY
T-shirts. We have our own T-shirts.
(to Judge #1)
What are you, medium or large?

JUDGE #1
I don't think ...

JOHNNY
(cutting him off)
Take a large, they shrink a little.

He throws him a T-shirt. Judge
catches it and puts it on the table.

JOHNNY
(to Judge #2)
How about you? Large?

JUDGE #1
Mr Glorioso, thank you, but it's against the
rules for judges to accept gratuities of any kind.

JOHNNY
Maybe your kids would like them.

JUDGE #1
I'm afraid not.

HASIDIC #1
(from next booth)
Can we have them?

JOHNNY
Yeah, sure, take 'em.

He throws the T-shirts to the Hasidics. Judge #1
looks over shoulder of assistant, reading notes.

JUDGE #1
Mr. Glorioso, we understand you're
entering a Sauvignon Blanc.

JOHNNY
(confident)
That's right. Sauvignon "Blanck". It's a semillon blend.

FRENCH JUDGE
Do you mean a semillon melange?

JOHNNY
What's a "melange"?

Judges exchange looks, smirking
at Johnny's unsophistication.

JUDGE #2
It's French terminology. It means "blend".

JOHNNY
We're in America. I don't see why you
have to call it by some frog terminology.

FRENCH JUDGE
Frog?

JOHNNY
That's American terminology for "French".
Frog -- French, it's the same thing.

JUDGE #1
I think we should begin.

Judge #1 nods to his assistant, who passes out fresh
glasses to the judges. The man in lederhosen
uncorks the bottle slowly, with flair. He pours
a small portion into each of the judges' glasses.

The judges hold up the glasses to the
light to examine the "sight" of the wine.

JUDGE #2
It has a nice, pale straw color.
Even some glints of gold.

JUDGE #1
Solid legs, very good.

They begin smelling the wine, twirling it around in their
glasses first, then placing the glasses directly beneath the nose.

JUDGE #1
(impressed)
It has an intensely aromatic nose.
(taking another whiff)
Very apricoty, very nice.

JUDGE #2
It most definitely has an apricot nose.
Nice and zesty. But flowery, too.

They twirl glasses and take more whiffs.

JUDGE #1
Very intense nose. Almost honeysuckle-ish. Wonderful nose.

The French Judge refrains from commenting,
listening to the other judges, but keeping his opinions
to himself. All three begin tasting the wine. Slowly.

JUDGE #2
The maturity is good.
(takes another sip)
It's extremely complex, but very direct on the palate.

JUDGE #1
(to Judge #2)
It's got a wonderfully clean finish. Very subtle.

JUDGE #2
(to Judge #1)
It's almost decadent, isn't it?

JUDGE #1
(to Judge #2)
It's just amazing. I thought it had a botrytis
nose. I wasn't quite sure at first, but I
think there's no question about it now.

JUDGE #2
(to Johnny)
This could be the quintessential
Sauvignon Blanc with petritis.

JUDGE #1
You're right! It's got petritis! The nobel rot!

JUDGE #2
(to Johnny)
As close to an angelic-type wine
as you can come up with. Perfect.

JUDGE #1
It's as good as the great Barsacs and
Sauternes in France -- maybe better.

The two judges are excited, almost ecstatic. A buzz
goes through the small crowd. Other people start
wandering over from booths nearby. Johnny is smiling,
victorious. French Judge waits for the initial rush
of excitement to calm down before speaking up.

FRENCH JUDGE
It's tin.

Everyone looks at him. He holds
glass in hand, not commenting further.

JUDGE #1
Pardon?

FRENCH JUDGE
It's tin.

JOHNNY
(questioning French Judge)
Tin? ...
(to Judge #1)
Tin?

JUDGE #1
I think he means "thin".

French Judge nods affirmatively.

JOHNNY
(to French Judge)
Thin?

French Judge nods.

JOHNNY
It was picked at forty bricks! It has a residual sugar
of thirteen percent! And you're telling me it's thin?
You can pour this stuff on your pancakes.

French Judge turns to other judges.

FRENCH JUDGES
It's a big skunky, too, don't you think?

The other two taste wine again.

JOHNNY
How can it taste skunky? There's
no hydrogen sulphide in this wine.

The other judges seem to be impressed by
Johnny's comment, turning to the French
Judge, waiting for him to explain further.

FRENCH JUDGE
(to other judges)
Perhaps "skunky" isn't the right word.
(turning to Johnny)
Actually, it tastes more like the fur of a wet dog.

The crowd reacts -- even the other two judges seem
turned off by the French Judge's low blow. Johnny
grabs the glass out of the hand of the French Judge.

JOHNNY
Gimme that. You don't deserve to even taste this wine.

The French Judge tries to win back favor by
trying to explain what he meant by his last remark.

FRENCH JUDGE
It just doesn't have the taste of the earth.

JOHNNY
You don't even know good wine.
This is the best wine ever made.
(pointing at other judges)
They even said so.

JUDGE #1
I'm sorry, Mr. Glorioso, we seem to have
a vast difference of opinion. We won't be
able to recommend an award for your wine.

JUDGE #2
(to Johnny)
I'm sorry. Better luck next time.

The judges begin walking away from the Glorioso
booth. Some people in the crowd look back at
Johnny, feeling sorry for him. The crowd moves
on to the next booth. Johnny walks around to
the front of the table, hollering after the judges.

JOHNNY
You're right, it doesn't have the taste of the earth.
It has the taste of the grapes! Great grapes!

The Hasidics from the Mogen David booth come
over to Johnny's booth, offering him support.

HASIDICS
Terrific! Wonderful!
You told him! Good for you!

Johnny starts hollering at the judges again.

JOHNNY
If you like the taste of the earth so much,
why don't you chew on some topsoil.

One of the Hasidics pours Johnny a large
glass of Mogen David and hands it to him,

HASIDIC #2
Mazeltov!

Johnny drinks entire glass of wine in one gulp.

JOHNNY
Nice bouquet.

Judges are standing in front of the Pouilly Fuisse booth.
Johnny comes at them from behind, the Hasidics at his heels.

JOHNNY
And what about the seven billion?

Johnny breaks through the crowd, grabbing the French
Judge by the arm and spinning him around, facing Johnny.

JOHNNY
What about the seven billion dollars you people owe us?
How long do you think you can get away with that?

FRENCH JUDGE
What seven billion dollars?

JOHNNY
Don't play dumb with me. You know
what seven billion dollars. The war debt!

JUDGE #1
Please, Mr. Glorioso ...

Johnny takes glass from Judge #1 and
pours wine on Frenchman's head.

JOHNNY
How's that for some taste of the earth?
Wet enough for your palate?

One of the Blue Nuns is standing near the judges. She holds
her position, not backing off like most of the others in the crowd.

BLUE NUN
He seems to be a bad loser, doesn't he?

Johnny takes glass of wine from Judge #2
and pours it over "habit" of Blue Nun.

JOHNNY
Here's some taste of the earth for you, too.

JUDGE #2
You can't do that to a nun!

HASIDIC #2
She's not a real nun, she's just a model.

BLUE NUN
(offended)
I'm a model-actress, not just a model.

A PLAINCLOTHES POLICEMAN comes pushing
through crowd, hollering and waving his arms to get
attention of security guards who are following behind him.

PLAINCLOTHES POLICEMAN
Over here!

Johnny starts running away from security guards,
heading towards main exit until he sees more security
guards coming at him from that direction. He runs in
another direction, jumping on top of a display table,
and hten he leaps from table to table, knocking over
bottles and glasses as he runs. The Hasidics start doing
interference for Johnny, tripping and getting in the way
of the guards as they try to catch him. The room turns into
total pandemonium as the Thunderbird contingent starts
throwing wine glasses at the guards who are now chasing the
Hasidics as well as Johnny. Henrietta, Borker and Kasden
enters the hall. They are wearing Dubonet name tags.

INT. CONVENTION ROOM - IN FRONT
OF CHATEAU LAFITE BOOTH - DAY

Two security guards, both covered with wine, hold a Hasidic on
the ground. A monk comes running up, pointing across the hall.

MONK
He's over there. By the Mateus booth.

Guards both stand, letting the Hasidic go, and run
towards Mateus booth. The Hasidic stares at the
monk. The monk, frightened, turns and run away.

CUT TO:

INT. MATEUS BOOTH - DAY

Johnny is on all fours crawling along the top of a
large model of the castle picture on the Mateus bottle.

Realizing he has been spotted, he leaps to the next display, run-
ning along the top of the Galliano booth, toppling the large six-
foot plastic statues of Italian carabiniere. When he reaches
the end, realizing it's too far to jump to the top of the next
booth, he picks up one of the statues, holding it above his head
lengthwise and throws it at the two security guards running
towards him. They are both instantly stopped cold as the statue
comes sailing into their guts, knocking the wind out of them.

As Johnny tries to climb to the railing above, two security
guards approach from the balcony. They are forced back
by Hasidics below who "shoot" champagne corks at them,
aiming the bottles from the Dom Perignon booth.

The two security guards who were hit by Galliano statue are
being helped up by two of the judges, including the French
Judge. From nowhere it seems, Johnny comes swinging
down, like Tarzan, holding onto the wing-shaped "Thunder-
bird" sign. His feet catch the Frenchman and one
of the guards in the stomach, knocking them down.

EXT. EXHIBITION HALL - DAY

About a dozen New York City police cars, SIRENS and
flashers ON, come SCREECHING up to the entrance
of the hall. Police rush out of cars and into the building.